Recently, a pair of close friends of mine brought a new baby into the world together. After congratulating them warmly, I am brought back to memories of when my own beloved daughter, now five, was born. I'm not ashamed to say that motherhood came as a surprise to me, as it does for many of us. Prior to that life-changing moment, when I knew I was going to be a mother, I didn't know if I wanted to have children at all. This isn't surprising, really, given that I was young, and unsure about what to do with my life, but that wasn't the full source of my ambiguity. I'm a feminist, or, if you prefer, an egalitarian who is particularly concerned with sexual and gender equality.
As a mother, a feminist, and an activist, it is my hope to share my knowledge and experiences of womanhood when and where I can. While it's true our culture has made a great deal of progress in the last two centuries regarding egalitarianism, improving the treatment of racial minorities, women, and in recent years, gays and lesbians, our world is far from perfect. Some of the most destructive remnants of the abiding cultural norms and habitual social power structure are culture mores and stereotypes. So much of what we think of as "normal" has little to no basis at all for many members of our society.
Questions of decency, morality, life style choices, and more are held to standards in the public eye that more often than not, in the private sphere, have no meaning.
So, as young woman, barely out of high school, I was faced with choices I had preferred, until then, to avoid. What does it mean, to be a woman, a romantic partner, a daughter, a mother, a person? More importantly, I had to ask myself, what does it mean to me? Often in psychology it is our parents, or care-givers, who are attributed with teaching us to love, and modeling for us the patterns that we will in some form adopt as parents ourselves one day. I believe every mother, every parent, probably every person, must ask themselves this at some point. Caught between what we have learned from culture and our parents, we are faced with a conflict between look outward and searching within for answers. Though I was strongly influenced by my family, and my culture, for me that was not enough. I began doing research, trying to understand what sort of creature a mother might really be.
There can be something truly spectacular about the bond between parents and children, yet our culture curtails some of this beauty by boxing it in and demanding conformity. Men are often sent the message, for example, that they are not natural nurturers. I can testify personally to this falsehood, having been raised by a loving and gentle father who hugged me, kissed me, and dried my tears when I was said. He actually spent my childhood working in outreach to help trouble children, teen mothers, and babies. Even in an evolutionary sense, considering that the natural ratio of men to women is fairly close to 1-1, it would make sense for male parents to have the capacity to nurture. In human history, disease, disaster, famine, and accidental death have often ravage communities. If many mothers are killed in a small group, it would be most ideal for fathers to take up the role of nurturer in order to perpetuate the life of offspring. While this may not often be the case, it is important that it be possible for the survival of the species. Science has actually demonstrates that, when witnessing the birth of a child, (especially the child of the male's mate) testosterone, to which many stereo-typical male characteristics are attributed, declines in the male brain. At the same time, the love hormone, oxytocin, is released in a massive wave, instigating intense bonding emotions between the father, the mother, and the child. This grand hormonal response system is demonstrative of the fact that human males have also evolved to be nurturers.
Men are not the only ones being short-changed in terms of parent-child bonding, however. Women in our culture are also. The Victorian era came and passed, but in its passing, it left behind many social mores and taboos that have changed the lives of every one in the western world since. Sexuality was so taboo it was considered inappropriate to mention it, or to even be discussed between husband and wife. The female form was seen as being purely for the purposes of reproduction only, and medical science attributed all kinds of ailments to bizarre interpretations of the activity of the womb within the body. The modern objectification and fetishization of the female body may be primarily due to Victorian ideology.
As a result of this, a primary mammalian trait, the trait for which mammals are named, which was evolved for the primary and often sole function of nourishing young for optimum fitness, the breasts, have been idolized and imbued with a perception of pure sexuality. Mammals are named for "mammary gland" which is the glad found in all mammals that produces milk and excretes it through small ducts in the animal's body, leaving from the end of the duct in the nipple. While this information may be both surprising and gross to some readers, it is a natural bodily function, and the fact that the female human breast performs this function suggests that it's primary evolutionary purpose is to support the development of offspring.
Further more, while it may be argued that some functions of the human body are not crucial, and that some uses of the body are superfluous, for mothers and children nursing is an activity which optimizes the health of both mother and baby. Breast-milk, unlike formula, is rich amino acids to assist brain-developments, and full of immunities from the mother's body which can be safely passed and integrated into the child's immune system. This is nature's version of immunizations. The components of breast milk, and the amount produced, changes in response the needs of the child, limited only by the availability of nutrients in the mother's body. Breastfeeding allows children to develop in a healthy, balanced way, and studies have shown that it benefits long-term outcomes for IQ as well as emotional-adjustment. Bonding between the mother and child may develop more strongly in breast-fed children, which may be part of the reason children who are breast fed are sometimes better emotional adjusted.
While some people argue that the exclusivity of the mother providing nutrition for offspring creates a barrier between fathers and children, it is not difficult to integrate fathers into breast-feeding routines in a way that encourages mutual bonding, or for the father to initiate interaction with the child in other ways that encourage bonding. Also, an alternative for women who need a break, or want to share the joys of providing nourishment to other family members, is to express and store milk.This is not to to belittle mothers who choose, for various reasons, to use formula from birth or switch to formula later, but to emphasize the positive impact of lactation nutrition in young children.
I find it devastatingly tragic that despite the immense physiological and emotional benefits of breastfeeding, people in the United States are scandalized by this loving, nurturing act if it occurs in public. I find it sad that we can not step outside our selves long enough to ask ourselves, "Does this make sense?" Well, I think it's long overdue we changed that. The act of nursing a child is not a sexual one, and doing it openly in public is sometimes necessary. For proper attachment to the breast, a mother must be able to see her baby; for a young baby to stay awake, their bodies must be exposed. Especially in Arizona, in the hot months, a baby under a blanket can become over-heated, increasing risk of heat-stroke or heat exhaustion. Ideally, and mother and baby should be able to look into each other's facing for proper bonding and development, and furthermore, many children will not nurse when covered, or will simply kick off the blanket. In this generation, when we have celebrate the social freedoms of women, their right to be about in the world, to participate in every sphere, what are we doing by sending the back home when they perform one of the most laudible services a person can undergo? They nurture and feed another human from the strength of their own bodies. Is this act really so dispensable?
As a mother, a feminist, and an activist, it is my hope to share my knowledge and experiences of womanhood when and where I can. While it's true our culture has made a great deal of progress in the last two centuries regarding egalitarianism, improving the treatment of racial minorities, women, and in recent years, gays and lesbians, our world is far from perfect. Some of the most destructive remnants of the abiding cultural norms and habitual social power structure are culture mores and stereotypes. So much of what we think of as "normal" has little to no basis at all for many members of our society.
So, as young woman, barely out of high school, I was faced with choices I had preferred, until then, to avoid. What does it mean, to be a woman, a romantic partner, a daughter, a mother, a person? More importantly, I had to ask myself, what does it mean to me? Often in psychology it is our parents, or care-givers, who are attributed with teaching us to love, and modeling for us the patterns that we will in some form adopt as parents ourselves one day. I believe every mother, every parent, probably every person, must ask themselves this at some point. Caught between what we have learned from culture and our parents, we are faced with a conflict between look outward and searching within for answers. Though I was strongly influenced by my family, and my culture, for me that was not enough. I began doing research, trying to understand what sort of creature a mother might really be.
There can be something truly spectacular about the bond between parents and children, yet our culture curtails some of this beauty by boxing it in and demanding conformity. Men are often sent the message, for example, that they are not natural nurturers. I can testify personally to this falsehood, having been raised by a loving and gentle father who hugged me, kissed me, and dried my tears when I was said. He actually spent my childhood working in outreach to help trouble children, teen mothers, and babies. Even in an evolutionary sense, considering that the natural ratio of men to women is fairly close to 1-1, it would make sense for male parents to have the capacity to nurture. In human history, disease, disaster, famine, and accidental death have often ravage communities. If many mothers are killed in a small group, it would be most ideal for fathers to take up the role of nurturer in order to perpetuate the life of offspring. While this may not often be the case, it is important that it be possible for the survival of the species. Science has actually demonstrates that, when witnessing the birth of a child, (especially the child of the male's mate) testosterone, to which many stereo-typical male characteristics are attributed, declines in the male brain. At the same time, the love hormone, oxytocin, is released in a massive wave, instigating intense bonding emotions between the father, the mother, and the child. This grand hormonal response system is demonstrative of the fact that human males have also evolved to be nurturers.
Men are not the only ones being short-changed in terms of parent-child bonding, however. Women in our culture are also. The Victorian era came and passed, but in its passing, it left behind many social mores and taboos that have changed the lives of every one in the western world since. Sexuality was so taboo it was considered inappropriate to mention it, or to even be discussed between husband and wife. The female form was seen as being purely for the purposes of reproduction only, and medical science attributed all kinds of ailments to bizarre interpretations of the activity of the womb within the body. The modern objectification and fetishization of the female body may be primarily due to Victorian ideology.
As a result of this, a primary mammalian trait, the trait for which mammals are named, which was evolved for the primary and often sole function of nourishing young for optimum fitness, the breasts, have been idolized and imbued with a perception of pure sexuality. Mammals are named for "mammary gland" which is the glad found in all mammals that produces milk and excretes it through small ducts in the animal's body, leaving from the end of the duct in the nipple. While this information may be both surprising and gross to some readers, it is a natural bodily function, and the fact that the female human breast performs this function suggests that it's primary evolutionary purpose is to support the development of offspring.
Further more, while it may be argued that some functions of the human body are not crucial, and that some uses of the body are superfluous, for mothers and children nursing is an activity which optimizes the health of both mother and baby. Breast-milk, unlike formula, is rich amino acids to assist brain-developments, and full of immunities from the mother's body which can be safely passed and integrated into the child's immune system. This is nature's version of immunizations. The components of breast milk, and the amount produced, changes in response the needs of the child, limited only by the availability of nutrients in the mother's body. Breastfeeding allows children to develop in a healthy, balanced way, and studies have shown that it benefits long-term outcomes for IQ as well as emotional-adjustment. Bonding between the mother and child may develop more strongly in breast-fed children, which may be part of the reason children who are breast fed are sometimes better emotional adjusted.
While some people argue that the exclusivity of the mother providing nutrition for offspring creates a barrier between fathers and children, it is not difficult to integrate fathers into breast-feeding routines in a way that encourages mutual bonding, or for the father to initiate interaction with the child in other ways that encourage bonding. Also, an alternative for women who need a break, or want to share the joys of providing nourishment to other family members, is to express and store milk.This is not to to belittle mothers who choose, for various reasons, to use formula from birth or switch to formula later, but to emphasize the positive impact of lactation nutrition in young children.
I find it devastatingly tragic that despite the immense physiological and emotional benefits of breastfeeding, people in the United States are scandalized by this loving, nurturing act if it occurs in public. I find it sad that we can not step outside our selves long enough to ask ourselves, "Does this make sense?" Well, I think it's long overdue we changed that. The act of nursing a child is not a sexual one, and doing it openly in public is sometimes necessary. For proper attachment to the breast, a mother must be able to see her baby; for a young baby to stay awake, their bodies must be exposed. Especially in Arizona, in the hot months, a baby under a blanket can become over-heated, increasing risk of heat-stroke or heat exhaustion. Ideally, and mother and baby should be able to look into each other's facing for proper bonding and development, and furthermore, many children will not nurse when covered, or will simply kick off the blanket. In this generation, when we have celebrate the social freedoms of women, their right to be about in the world, to participate in every sphere, what are we doing by sending the back home when they perform one of the most laudible services a person can undergo? They nurture and feed another human from the strength of their own bodies. Is this act really so dispensable?
I am a huge proponent of breastfeeding, so you are preaching to the choir. Your article explains the benefits clearly and thoroughly. Kimberly
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